Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
