I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
