i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
