She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
