i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
