the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
