I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
