I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
