I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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