Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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