New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
