yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
