Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
