I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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