i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Randomize
