I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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