Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
