My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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