Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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