we have officially mastered the walk of shame
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
