Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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