once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
