She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
