This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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