Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
