real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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