please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
