Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We're too hungover to prance.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
