Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
