fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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