It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
