There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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