Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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