You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
