there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
