I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
