She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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