90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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