Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
