We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
