2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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