I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
