Don't make out with my wife yet
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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