I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
