He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
