Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
