bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
