your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
