you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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