this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
