God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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