i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
