grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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