so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
