I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
