tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
im on a boat
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