I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
