today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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