I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
is wine microwaveable?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
