I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
