bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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