is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
