If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
