He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
