He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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