dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
