i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
