Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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