so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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