Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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