Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
