Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
