You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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