You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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