so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
