Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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