ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize